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Dispatches Quotables

You'd have to remove the city.

Bill Bank, spokesman for the Washington, D.C., Water and Sewer Authority, on the impracticality of replacing the city's 1,200 problematic miles of underground water distribution pipes. In just the week of January, there have been 43 breakages, leaving local streets covered with ice.

We'll reduce the time of TV watching in order to keep the family together.

Ivan Korneyev, director of the St. Petersburg Zoo in Russia, on the backfiring of a plan to educate a group of orangutans on the joys of family life by watching television. According to the Moscow Times, the male orangutan became so engrossed in watching TV that he started to ignore his mate, who became upset over his neglect.

The hardest decision I made in my life.

Dick Church, mayor of Miamisburg, Ohio, on his decision to rescind-under pressure from the ACLU-his proclamation making 1999 the Year of the Bible.

An essential part of the Boy Scout message is to be morally straight. The view that homosexual conduct is an acceptable way of conducting oneself is not morally straight.

George Davidson, attorney for the Boy Scouts, in arguments to the New Jersey Supreme Court that the Scouts were justified in removing a homosexual scoutmaster.

I found it difficult not to gag.

James C. Dobson, Focus on the Family president and member of the National Gambling Impact Study Commission, in a letter to constitutents describing his feelings upon hearing a witness call Atlantic City, N.J., an "extraordinary success story." Mr. Dobson said Atlantic City is overrun by gambling casinos and that part of the city resembles "a bombed-out war zone."

The biggest sign of his absence is that the Democrats don't have a ready target.

Rep. James Walsh (R-N.Y.), on the Democrats' not having Newt Gingrich to kick around anymore, after Dennis Hastert was sworn in as House Speaker.